Know Yourself: They Always Blame the Mother It's ...

Know Yourself: They Always Blame the Mother

Have you noticed that the mother seems to get blamed a lot for the problems of the characters on the TV shows?  Even though the mother may not always get blamed specifically for a person's problems in real life, whenever a person begins dealing with any of  life's woes the question of family usually arises.

We can't deny the fact that our family of origin plays a huge role in how we perceive life and subsequently how we act (or react) in life.  If we try to deny the effect of our family on the decisions we make in our lives, then we can't really see the whole picture.

Our genes and our childhood experiences are a powerful force in how we live our lives. To truly know ourselves, we have to know our family and our place in it. We are a product of our families. It doesn't really matter if something is nature or nurture, we are the people we are in large part because of our genes and our family experiences.

When I was in counseling working on personal issues, my family would tell me that I was blaming my problems on them. It really wasn't that way. I was just looking over my life and seeing why things didn't work.

Most of the things I had to overcome were ineffective systems I had set-up during my childhood. As I was searching and asking questions, I couldn't avoid how the family system I grew up in played a role in how I lived my adult life.

Part of that search was also in how I needed to take responsibility for my problems and create new healthy systems so that I could live the life I wanted to live. It's part of growing and adapting to life in an imperfect world.  

While we must take our past into consideration, we must not blame our past for our decisions as adults.  We as adults are responsible for our actions.   We look to the past to see why we struggle and to find understanding about why certain things are more difficult for us.

Acknowledging that the struggles from your childhood affect you today is not blame.  Blame is  when you use them as an excuse not to change.

Remember that making these acknowledgements will not bring about immediate change.  Most of our patterns have been entrenched in us for most of our lives.  It will not go away  by Tuesday of next week just because you put it on your goal list.

Here’s to the Journey,
Deborah