Tools Genograms

Tools: Genograms

Genograms are a great tool to look at family patterns and find a deeper understanding of yourself. I was first introduced to them in my marriage and family class in seminary. We did the Fonda family (Henry, Jane, Peter, Bridget, etc.) as an example. It was very interesting to see the patterns that repeated within the family. Of course, we also did one for our own families.

In these examples, we were looking at emotional and relationship patterns that carried down from each generation. Genograms are useful for all types of analysis. They are used in the medical field to determine family medical history and by social service agencies to look at patterns of family behavior.

In the area of business, you can use a genogram to look at your family’s career and work patterns, learning and work styles, patterns of wealth and poverty, and entrepreneurial spirit.

When I did my family genogram, I saw that I had several ancestors who were very successful businessmen owning a sawmill, an ice house, a general store, even illegal moonshine stills. Of course, there were other categories such as farmers, ministers and laborers.

I could also see work styles especially a strong pattern of creative starters who would start a new project build on it, pass it on, and start something new. It really helped me validate my creative ways of living life. Interestingly, I saw a lot of linear thinking types like engineers and accountants which helped explain why I value logic and am so analytical.

What can you see in your family tree? You don't have to go back too far, but try to get at least to your great grandparents. Ask questions about each family member. You can ask anything you want, but a few good ideas are...

• What did they do for a living?
• How did they spend their time?
• What were their interests and passions?
• Which descendents followed in their footsteps?
• Which ancestors did they take after?
• What kind of work style did they have? [entrepreneur, laborer, migrant, etc]
• How did they view money?
• How did they handle money?
• Were they spenders or savers?
• How did money color their marriage and other relationships?
• How did the economic situation of their time affect them and the decisions they made?

You can use the genogram to get a visual picture. There are a lot of symbols you can use to show relationships and some of the links below will guide you. If you don't want to go to all of the trouble to learn them, simply draw the family tree diagram and make notes around it. If you are more right brained, you can come up with your own symbols to help make the connections clearer to you.

Below are a few links to help you get it done. They are not directed at career or business issues. You will need to modify things to make those connections clear to you.

Here's to the Journey,

Deborah

"Basic Genogram Components" from Northwestern University
http://faculty-web.at.northwestern.edu/commstud/galvin/genograms/Basic%20Genogram%20Components.htm

A page from a site selling a genealogy software program.
http://www.genopro.com/genogram/

"Creating a Genogram" from the University of Florida
http://www.cop.ufl.edu/SAFEZONE/DOTY/kfh/Genogram.pdf

"Constructing a Genogram on Word or Excel" from California State University Northridge
http://hhd.csun.edu/williams/340/Genogram Construction on Excel or Word.doc

Know Yourself: Climb a Tree

We talked about the importance of looking at your family in understanding who you are. I want to take that a step further and climb up your family tree.

When I met my husband, one of the most important things in his life was studying his family history. When he was single, he would do research almost every night. I put a damper on that schedule, but he has succeeded in giving me the genealogy bug. Almost every trip we take involves some kind of visit to a library, courthouse, or cemetery.

Studying genealogy is fascinating. It is amazing to look back and see how you mirror characteristics of your great grandmother or grandfather. You can see how their DNA is living out in you. You can also see how their attitudes and experiences trickle down to you.

You can see patterns in regards to attitudes about money and wealth. When I began learning about my great-grandfather Joe Ben Tingle, I began to understand my work and employment patterns. Joe Ben was a minister (also a big commonality seeing as I have a seminary degree). He was a starter. He would plant a church, build it up, and move on to another project. In between times he would work in the coal mines or farm. When you look at my very diverse resume, you can see how I take after him.

Another great grandfather was Ed Adams. He was the kind of person that everyone in the community liked, but once you knew the real him you weren't very impressed. He was a successful business man with land and cattle. He also owned the local ice house in Myrtlewood, AL. The problem was that he was selfish about money. He would buy nice things for himself while his family had to skimp on basic necessities.

He son, Fred, was my great uncle. He inherited a lot of Ed's business sense and was responsible for building most of the commercial property in Myrtlewood. Myrtlewood only has a few hundred residents, but while my uncle was alive, he received passive income from the leases on the buildings (including the post office) and income from the laundromat or washateria, as we call them in the South.

My grandmother was his youngest daughter, but she never developed that business sense. She always talked about how poor she was growing up and this colored her mindset her whole life.

It is very interesting to look at these patterns and see what shaped us. Looking at my Grandmother's life, I can see some of who I am -- in financial survival mode, but with a loving and generous heart.

Looking at her father's life, I can see how I want to be - entrepreneurial - and how I don't want to be - miserly. The entrepreneurial traits are in my genome and so is the desire to be generous. Those are things I want to build and can see fruit.

How about you? What do you see in your family tree that can help you understand yourself better. My next blog will include some tools to help you do that.

Here's to the Journey,

Deborah

Know Yourself: They Always Blame the Mother It's ...

Know Yourself: They Always Blame the Mother

Have you noticed that the mother seems to get blamed a lot for the problems of the characters on the TV shows?  Even though the mother may not always get blamed specifically for a person's problems in real life, whenever a person begins dealing with any of  life's woes the question of family usually arises.

We can't deny the fact that our family of origin plays a huge role in how we perceive life and subsequently how we act (or react) in life.  If we try to deny the effect of our family on the decisions we make in our lives, then we can't really see the whole picture.

Our genes and our childhood experiences are a powerful force in how we live our lives. To truly know ourselves, we have to know our family and our place in it. We are a product of our families. It doesn't really matter if something is nature or nurture, we are the people we are in large part because of our genes and our family experiences.

When I was in counseling working on personal issues, my family would tell me that I was blaming my problems on them. It really wasn't that way. I was just looking over my life and seeing why things didn't work.

Most of the things I had to overcome were ineffective systems I had set-up during my childhood. As I was searching and asking questions, I couldn't avoid how the family system I grew up in played a role in how I lived my adult life.

Part of that search was also in how I needed to take responsibility for my problems and create new healthy systems so that I could live the life I wanted to live. It's part of growing and adapting to life in an imperfect world.  

While we must take our past into consideration, we must not blame our past for our decisions as adults.  We as adults are responsible for our actions.   We look to the past to see why we struggle and to find understanding about why certain things are more difficult for us.

Acknowledging that the struggles from your childhood affect you today is not blame.  Blame is  when you use them as an excuse not to change.

Remember that making these acknowledgements will not bring about immediate change.  Most of our patterns have been entrenched in us for most of our lives.  It will not go away  by Tuesday of next week just because you put it on your goal list.

Here’s to the Journey,
Deborah

Product Review Rich

Product Review: Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad has set me and many others on the journey to rethinking wealth. It has had the distinction of being on the New York Times Bestseller list for five years. That itself shows that it is much more than a fad. I had actually read a sample chapter many years before, but for some reason it didn't sink in. I don't really know how I came across it the second time. I just remember that it stuck. This book has really changed me personally, not just the way that I think. I can't say that for many books.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad is very easy to read (or listen to on audio). It's not one of those dry informational books and it's not an overly emotional, sappy, hyped up, motivational piece. (I really hate those!)

Robert's rich dad was his best friend's dad and his poor dad was his own father. Rich Dad, Poor Dad is the story of two very different men on very different paths. Robert is telling the story of what he learned from these two men and he successfully bridges that gap between the poor and middle class approach to gaining wealth and the way that the rich view money and wealth. He makes the rich mindset accessible to those who want to pursue it.

One of the things I love about Rich Dad, Poor Dad is that it is down to earth and personal. So is Robert Kiyosaki for that matter. Oh, just in case you were wondering, Robert was a millionaire before he started selling his books and games. He started out living in his car with his wife and was financially free in 3 years. He was a millionaire in less than 10 years. He made his money by starting businesses, investing in real estate, and investing in the stock market.

He began his Rich Dad enterprise with a game called Cashflow and wrote the Rich Dad book as support material for the game. From this endeavor, a world class company was built.

I am very impressed with the Rich Dad company. Robert, his wife, Kim, and his business partner and co-author, Sharon Lechter have created a company where employees are encouraged to build their own passive income so they can eventually leave the world of employment (the rat race).

I was at a conference and asked Sharon Lechter and the Rich Dad employee who was assisting her how they dealt with the turnover. They told me that it is a celebration when someone reaches that level of success. They send them off with joy and blessings. She also said that turnover is not a real problem either. Many people thrive in the day-to-day work environment and the Rich Dad company provides them with a wonderful place to work.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad is NOT a how-to book. If you want to find a step by step guide to build your business, then go somewhere else. There are many materials on the nuts and bolts of a particular business. Rich Dad publishes many such books from their Rich Dad Advisors series that are helpful in that matter. The original Rich Dad, Poor Dad is about teaching you a new way of looking at the world so that you can use your own creativity and passions to build the world you need and desire for you and your family.

I chose to review this book first because I believe it is foundational in this journey to a new mindset about wealth. I believe in the Rich Dad philosophy of education and giving back and I believe that anyone who truly desires change can benefit from hearing Robert's story.

Here's to the Journey,
Deborah

Read more about Rich Dad, Poor Dad on Amazon.com

Browse Rich Dad products on Amazon.com

Know Yourself: What Do You Think of Wealth?

We all have a mindset about wealth. That mindset has both truth and errors. There are personal elements to any mindset. Meaning some things may be true for one person while being untrue for others. Yet, universal truths still remain. It is important to figure out what kind of preconceptions we have about money and wealth. It's these preconceptions that control your responses when faced with money-related situations.

A lot of people don't like the idea that we have a relationship with money. Many see money and any sort of quest for it to be wrong or even evil. Throughout history there have been people who gave up all worldly goods in the belief that it brought them closer to God. There are others who chose the path to seek financial wealth at all costs.

People even today feel that rich people are evil. I remember a discussion I had with a college professor who was stuggling to find a new job. I was telling him about some of things I had been learning from Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I was in the early stages of changing my mindset.

He truly believed that rich people are all bad people. It was really an odd concept to me as I thought about our conversation. This person was seeking a job in institutions where most would not exist without the wealthy people who founded them. It takes money to build and maintain buildings, pay for equipment, hire the many workers needed to keep a college running, and to provide scholarships for so many students. These costs aren't covered by tuition alone. This is why schools receive state funding and spend time soliciting so many donations from alumni and community members. The very job he was pursuing was made possible in large part through people who had wealth to share.

Of course wealth is not just about having money. It's about having faith, family, and quality of life. Those who deny that will many times end up with financial wealth and nothing else.

The thing that is harder to grasp is that wealth can include all of these elements. Money can't buy happiness, but it can take away stress and buy you free time so that you can have those non-material forms of wealth. What's more, you can open up that world for more people by sharing your financial wealth and by teaching others what you have learned.

Pursuit of wealth can be an idol in a person's life. When pursuing wealth becomes more important than anything else - it is an idol.

The opposite is also true. A person can make the abandonment of wealth an idol as well. This happens when the idea of financial wealth is mocked or turned against soley for the purpose of self glorification. Many times people believe they are serving God or seeking a higher cause and their real motives -unconciously - are to build themselves up or to create their own sense of righteousness.

How do you view wealth? Do you think your views of wealth are true? If you believe that your views of wealth are true, then test them.
Observe others
Look for contradictions
Do a deeper study of your faith's beliefs

You can't go wrong by digging deeper. You will find a deeper understanding of your belief and and an ability to communicate them to others. You may also find errors in your thinking that need to be corrected. It's important to find these errors. They are a part of growth. Who can deny the need for more growth?


Here's to the journey,
Deborah

Know Yourself: Nothing More than Feelings

Our emotions play a very important part in all areas of our life. They can work as a warning system to let us know something is wrong. They can also take control and lead us to make poor or impulsive decisions. They cause physical responses within our bodies.

Many people deal with emotions by suppressing them and denying their impact on their lives. Others let loose and display all of their feelings for the world to see. We need to find a balance. You can't really separate emotions from logic. Even the Vulcans on Star Trek never really use pure logic. Many of their reactions are emotional hidden by a veil of logic. (Am I showing my geekhood here?)

Whatever your opinion about emotions, you can't deny that they are there. They are part of being human.

Let's take a moment to explore some things you may be experiencing. Don't worry, it won't be too touchy-feely, and it won't take very long either.

1. Position yourself comfortably where you are. Breath deeply through your nose and as you exhale through your mouth slowly say the word R-E-L-A-X.
   
2. Now that you have focused yourself a little, I want to ask you a question. Don't think to hard about the question. Don't even try to answer it verbally. I want you to listen to how your body responds to the question. What kind of answer is your body giving you?
   
3. Breathe deeply again remembering to slowly say the work R-E-L-A-X as you exhale, and answer the following question...
   
   
   
   How do you feel about money?
   
   What was your initial reaction to question? Did your body tense up? Did you feel muscle twitches? Were you verbal? Did you moan, groan or sigh? Did you curse?
   
   Maybe you had a positive response? Maybe it was neutral?
   
   If you had a noticeable response, there is a reason for it. Our mind lies to us a lot, but our body will always give it away. If you want to better understand why your body responded the way it did take a few minutes to focus on your feelings.
   
   Write down the words that came to mind even if they don't make sense. Draw a picture of your feelings or at least paint a mental picture. Let your mind flow freely.
   
   Think beyond your surface feelings like "I don't like my job" to the reasons behind your feelings - such as "my job takes away time with my family", "I don't feel respected or valued there", or "The work required doesn't inspire and motivate me".
   
   You will probably find that money in itself is not what's causing the emotions. It's a figurehead for deeper longings and needs. It represents the needs and longings that aren't being met because of a lack of money and a lack of understanding on how to acquire it.
   
   Rest assured, the trap is not impenetrable. You can begin to break free - all by changing the way you perceive the world around you - by changing your mindset.
   
   Here's to the journey,
   Deborah

Know Yourself: Introduction
The first step in any journey is learning who you are. This is the first in a series of blogs to help you start to ask yourself questions and to understand how you tick. Knowing yourself will help you understand how you think about money and how you act and react in situations involving money. It will also help you understand what emotional issues may be holding you back from the successes you desire. If you really desire to see financial change in your life, then you must begin by looking inward. It is scary sometimes, but it is always a real path to growth.